Next stop is.. oh wait where is the destination

I once got a card from my parents that had some inspirational wording on the front.  Reminds me that I read that card again.. It has one of my favorite sayings and something that I try to remind myself of. 
-Happiness is a journey, not a destination....

I sure as hell have been on some kind of journey.  I am most certainly not in the place that I thought I would be five years ago, at this point destination is unknown.  I have tried to not let the journey break me, although there are times when I doubt the whole saying what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.  I wish I could say that I am stronger becuase of what I have been through and what I am about to endure.  I have been broken down financially, physically and emotionally.  Think positive has not always worked becuase lets face it sometimes we are pissed and upset and part of letting it go is to cry your eyes out.  Keeping that sadness and frustration is sometimes a burden.  You are supposed to be strong, suck it up, get through it and be stronger. Letting go is always the hardest part.  Realizing you have a lot to let go of was pretty hard too..

How did I get here..

Well lets see facing losing your home the one you put everything you had into is depressing to say the least.  At this point I feel sad, angry, pissed and its brought up some resentment towards CJ (cheating jerk).. I think of all of the money spent and hours working towards fixing up the place to have it all come down to worrying if I am going to end up owing a huge amount of money with nothing at all left.. All I can do is share and hope that some poor girl doesn't end up in the same situation as I have. 

Love to me, well not so sure anymore.  Don't get me wrong I love my friends and my family but my views about love and commitment were pretty damaged.  Let me try to sum it up, girl meets guy, they fall into??  well you think its love.. girl moves to be with guy (leaving all of her friends and support, big mistake..), they then get engaged and with the wedding not too far off decide to buy a house.  We toil, fix up the house, I spend a small fortune at Home Depot.. Then as if in the bad movies where you walk in on your fiance with someone else, I find out CJ was having a secret relationship with some other girl and even planned, and had a romantic tryst with said girl mere months before the wedding. Don't worry.. they documented every little torrid detail via email, don't you just love cyber space, where CJ left email open for me to see on my computer (insert salt in the wound here).  Swearing, tears and other typical things you do when you find out things of this sort took place and it came down to me moving out of "our" house.  Two years later CJ is married, offspring on the way and the damn real estate market hasn't turned around one bit.  So here comes the short sale (we hope), possible foreclosure..  

So basically that is the quick version of how I got here.. Where is here.. Well renting a room, losing my home, and single.. oh joy... Please pass the martini.... Vodka, dirty..
Aloha

New Year

Well its a new year... so I started a new blog since I have a feeling this year I will have a lot to write about. Let's just say that this year isn't getting off to a very good start and I am going to use this to get my thoughts out there..

I picked Aloha Jen because well because lets face it, its hard to find a blog that isn't taken, haha.. and well because I always dream of moving to Hawaii and leaving all of this behind. I am not sure if anyone will want to read what I have written but whatever.. I am sure that at times it will be funny and at times it will be sad. I am single dating near LA and lets say that is just a riot in itself. I work in an office space cube and am feeling the woes of the economy just like most people out there.

So I guess this is it.. new year.. wondering if I am still in my early 3o's or if I am transending into my mid years.. Yep while everyone around me is married producing offspring I am just moving steadily along weathering the storm of what has been the last few years of my life. There comes a time when after hearing "everything will be okay, don't worry" for about the nth time you just want to say.. REALLY...? Hmmm.. because if you have some sort of secret powers why don't you whip out your crystal ball and give me the next winning lotto numbers... huh? Or shut the %&*$ up comes to mind as well... Especially after my New Year's has started off with words like short sale, foreclosure and tears.. How I got here well that starts like four years ago with CJ (cheating jerk) but thats for another day..